Proud to be Introverted, BUT..

When the subject comes up, people are almost always surprised to hear that I’m an introvert. They use a lot of adjectives that they associate with extroversion; lively, spirited, good conversationalist, outgoing, “but you’re a stage person”. I read somewhere a long time ago about people considering themselves “high-functioning introverts”, which meant an introvert that is able to hold their own in social situations. And perhaps for a long time, you’ve considered yourself one of those like I have. But let’s consider taking a different tact: we’re introverted, we’re not shy. We’re not closed off, or incapable of managing social norms; just people who prefer the small group to the raging party. Not afraid of being alone nor of silence, but also not afraid of crowds.

In the 1920s Carl Jung first used the terms introvert and extrovert in describing personality types (Psychologische Typen, 1921). In brief, his definition states that these terms are the directionality of one’s focus – the inner or the outer world. Since then, the colloquial definition has been defined by extroverts, as they are those who speak out the most. And, that being the case, extroversion is preferred in society and introversion is misunderstood. The English-speaking world (at least) has become more and more extroverted, loud, fast.

Society at large has also unknowingly (and I believe, without menace) convinced us introverts, however, that our preference for one-on-one or small groups means at the same time that we are uncomfortable in large gatherings or group work or brainstorming sessions. That we are afraid to reach out and make connections with strangers. We read things about having to take on extroverted traits to fit into the extroverted world. I want to challenge the very notion that introverts are naturally uncomfortable in any and all of these social situations just because we prefer solitude.

This is learned behavior, not a character flaw. Humans are by their very nature social animals. According to Yuval Noah Harari, the primary impetus for our progress as a species was our capability of organizing ourselves into extremely large groups (Sapiens, 2011). Let me say that again, humans are social animals. An introvert’s need for time alone is not mutually exclusive of the capability to be comfortable in front of large crowds or to successfully (dare I speak the word..) network. It only means that we give energy to the crowd, be it 2000 or 2 people, and recharge alone.

Since Jung’s time the scientific community and to some extent, popular opinion has come to accept the idea of a sliding spectrum rather than finite dualities. Along these lines, you can now read about the “four different types of introverts”, or something called ambiverts. There is also literature about how introverts are truly valuable for society (Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, 2012). And while I am truly appreciative of all these efforts to explain to the extroverted world what is really going on in our heads, I keep coming back to the same place: “uncomfortable”, “nervous”, “anxious”, “shy” are emotions, NOT personality traits.

That in so being, EVERYONE experiences these emotions at some time in their lives, extroverts and introverts alike. So why do we, who identify with being an introvert also so easily identify with being shy? Why do we refrain from attending that company party because, as introverts, we are “uncomfortable” in large social settings? Why don’t we just speak up in the meeting, or make that phone call? Let me rattle the proverbial cage just a little and ask some questions: are we introverts victims of ourselves? Have we taken the whole I-prefer-to-be-alone-I’m-an-introvert as an excuse not to examine the reasons behind our pounding heart and sweaty palms? Are we hiding behind our introversion to avoid coming to terms with these negative emotions and thereby avoiding becoming our very best selves? Or maybe you are an introvert that has found your way through the quagmire? Please share your thoughts, all are welcome!