The Silent Social Contract

The Unspoken Agreement

We all get the idea behind “putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others.” A logical instruction in theory, and we all understand it’s wisdom right? But in practice, how often do women apply this to their daily lives? More often than not, we’re rushing to assist everyone else first, even as our own breath grows shallow.

This behavior is simply too widespread to be just a personal quirk – it’s rooted in a deeply ingrained, unspoken social contract. For as long as anyone can remember, society has subtly (and not-so-subtly) taught women to prioritize others’ needs at the expense of their own, painting self-sacrifice as a badge of honor while whispering that putting themselves first is selfish. It’s a trap that keeps many women stuck in cycles of burnout, guilt, and invisibility.

Why We Resist Putting on Our Own Oxygen Mask

At the heart of this resistance is something deeply natural: the feminine as a basic archetype is wired to nurture and care. From a relational perspective, prioritizing the needs of others feels instinctive, even fulfilling. Relationships are central to how many women connect to the world, and tending to those relationships can bring a sense of purpose and belonging.

Somewhere along the way, this natural inclination has been shaped into a societal expectation—one that elevates selflessness to an impossible ideal. Women are often praised for being the glue that holds everything together, for sacrificing their own well-being to ensure the comfort and happiness of others. This cultural messaging twists an inherent strength into a weighty obligation, turning a beautiful instinct into something that leaves women depleted rather than fulfilled.

Socially, this expectation is reinforced at every level: workplaces that reward overwork and undervalue boundaries, family dynamics that lean on women as default caregivers, and even cultural narratives that idealize the “selfless heroine.” Over time, it becomes easy to confuse relational strength with personal sacrifice, as if caring for others requires abandoning care for yourself.

This misalignment creates a deep tension. Some of the very qualities that make women extraordinary—empathy, connection, and nurturing—are turned against them when they’re asked to give without replenishment. The cost? Burnout, exhaustion, and an unshakable sense of being undervalued.

 

Self-Care is Not a Luxury

Let’s be real—society has made self-care sound like it’s some kind of spa day “treat” that only happens if you’ve already conquered the world. But here’s the truth: taking the time you need for you is not a “nice-to-have” for when you’re feeling extra fancy. It’s a basic survival tool for high-achieving women. You’re not a robot, but you do have an energetic, an auric battery – you need to recharge.

When we neglect our own well-being, we end up running on fumes—and honestly, you’re not helping anyone by burning yourself out, no matter how many hours you put in. You don’t allow for others to step into their own abilites and capacities when you do it for them. You’re reactionary and quick to internalize criticism. Your best ideas don’t come. You are easily frustrated, easily angered, easily melancholic. You’re just setting yourself up for a meltdown – one that’s probably coming after that last “I’m fine” you said while your body tried to send you a distress signal.

Self-care isn’t a luxury or a reward for finishing your never-ending to-do list. It’s the foundation of being able to show up for others in a meaningful way. It’s the difference between giving from a place of energy and joy, or giving while trying not to collapse into a puddle of exhaustion.

 

Rebel WITH a Cause

I’m putting on my mother’s leather jacket and sitting astride her Harley Davidson here to push your buttons a little. Now, to be a little confrontational when I say it’s time to retire the myth that putting yourself first is “selfish.” It’s not. What’s selfish is trying to give the people around you from your version of less-than, from your brand of lack. The people you care about deserve more than your “not-best”, don’t they? And honestly, they don’t really want you giving, giving, and giving until you’ve got nothing left – and wondering why you feel like a shell of yourself. That’s not the picture of selflessness; that’s martyrdom.

We have been conditioned to do exactly that – and we’ve been praised for it. Let’s take a second here and consider, though: do you really want to be broadcasting to the world

“I’m so good at taking care of everyone else, I’ve forgotten how to take care of myself.”

Let me take a guess and say “I don’t think so”.

Here’s the truth: You can’t be your best self if you’re constantly stuck in a loop of sacrificing your own needs for others. It’s time to make a bold, unapologetic choice: put yourself first. When you do, everyone benefits. You’ll be more energized, more present, more in tune with what you truly want in life and to the needs of others.

Redefining the rules means recognizing that your time, your energy, and your emotional well-being are sacred. Taking care of yourself isn’t something you do only after everything else is taken care of—it’s the first step. It’s not an “extra,” it’s a must-have.

So, let’s flip the script. Self-care isn’t just for special occasions, and taking time for yourself isn’t “luxury.” Honoring your own needs is not a betrayal of your responsibilities. It’s a strategy for maintaining your health, your joy, and your ability to show up fully in your life.

HOW?

 

The Power of Saying “No” (Without Guilt)

Sometimes it feels like should be saying “yes” to everything—every request, every favor, every little task that crosses our path. We feel like if we don’t say yes, we’re letting someone down, being rude, or worse, proving that we’re not as capable as everyone thinks.

 

Not-so-fun fact: When you say “yes” to everything, you’re saying “no” anyway – to yourself. You’re sacrificing your time, your energy, and your well-being. And trust me, no one benefits when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or resentful. Isn’t it time to learn the art of saying “no” without feeling like a villain?

The reality is, when you say “no” to things that drain you or don’t align with your priorities, you’re saying “yes” to your health, your goals, and your peace of mind. Saying no frees up space for what truly matters—whether that’s time with loved ones, focusing on your passions, or simply having the mental and emotional space to breathe.

Think of it this way: saying “no” is like hitting the pause button on the chaos so you can make sure you’re filling your own cup (or, you know, surviving the week without a meltdown). It’s not selfish—it’s self-preservation. And when you preserve your energy, you show up stronger, more focused, and more able to contribute in the ways that matter most.

So, the next time you feel that twinge of guilt when you say “no,” remember: You’re not just doing yourself a favor, you’re doing everyone around you a favor too. The world doesn’t need your “yes” if it’s going to cost you your health and happiness.

 

Success Isn’t About Doing More, It’s About Doing What Matters

Here’s the thing: we’ve all been sold this idea that success means doing more, hustling harder, and constantly adding new things to our plates. I’d like to invite you into a more expansive way of internalizing the meaning of success. What if success isn’t about how much you can cram into your schedule or how many things you can check off your to-do list? What if we begin to refuse defining success by numbers (weight, cup-size, your home’s square footage, salary, number of FB likes, tasks completed)?

What if success is about doing less – but doing what really matters?

For so long, we’ve ALL been told (women and men) that the key to “making it” is working until you drop, proving you’re worthy by burning the candle at both ends. I’m not telling you something you don’t already know when I say that this hustle mentality is not sustainable. It’s exhausting. It leaves us feeling like we’re constantly running a marathon, but we never actually reach the finish line.

True success comes when you focus on what’s essential to your life, your purpose, and your well-being. It’s about aligning your energy with the things that bring you joy, fulfillment, and peace, rather than trying to meet external expectations.  Oddly enough, when we’re focused in this way, we have much greater possibility to make all the numerical measurements line up the way we want them to as well… Chew on that for a minute. I’ll wait.

 

So, here’s the challenge: instead of measuring your success by how much you do, measure it by how much you’ve aligned with your authentic self. Success isn’t about pleasing everyone or checking off every box on the “should” list. It’s about feeling good in your own skin, knowing you’ve poured energy into the things that truly matter to you, and living with a sense of purpose and satisfaction.

When you embrace this new definition of success, everything changes. You start to let go of the guilt. You start to prioritize your happiness, your health, and your dreams. And, in the process, you’ll achieve more than you ever thought possible – not by doing more, but by doing what truly matters.

 

Reconnect with Your Power

The truth is, we’ve been playing by outdated rules. The reality is that it’s not just okay to put yourself first – it’s necessary. Your well-being is the foundation of everything you do, and it’s time to stop pretending like it’s optional.

When you start prioritizing yourself, you’re not abandoning others; you’re giving them the best version of you. You’re showing up with more energy, more clarity, and more presence. And here’s the kicker: you’ll be able to give more – because you’ll have something to give. You’re doing it also for everyone who depends on you, loves you, and looks to you for guidance. By showing them that prioritizing yourself is not only possible, but essential, you’re creating a new standard. A standard where women don’t apologize for putting their needs first. A standard where self-care is non-negotiable.

So put YOU where you belong: at the top of your to-do list. Redefine success. Say no when you need to. And most importantly, remember that taking care of yourself is the most powerful thing you can do – for you, for others, and for the world. Now, go out there and be the unstoppable, magnetic force you were always meant to be!