The Isolation of Responsibility
I spent years alone in the practice room as a singer. In fact, I still spend time alone in the practice room, but now it’s different. Back then, even though I had teachers, coaches, and colleagues, in my head, I was doing it all by myself. I carried the weight of my goals alone, and when I stepped on stage, that isolation followed me. It wasn’t empowering – it was nerve-wracking, exhausting, and lonely.
The truth is, no matter how much support we have around us, big goals often feel like ours alone to carry. Even when friends, family, or mentors believe in us, we’re still the ones who have to show up, do the work, and make it happen. And instead of feeling like a privilege, that weight can feel crushing.
The challenge isn’t just the work itself – it’s the mental isolation of responsibility. We tell ourselves we should be able to handle it all, that asking for support might make us seem weak, or that no one else could truly understand what we’re carrying. But here’s the truth: Even the most successful women in the world have felt this way. And the difference between staying stuck in isolation and moving forward with strength? It’s not about carrying less responsibility – it’s about how we hold it.
Let’s talk about what this looks like and how to shift the way we carry our goals so they don’t feel so heavy.
The Illusion of Going It Alone
Many high-achieving women pride themselves on their independence. We’ve built careers, businesses, and lives through hard work, smart decisions, and relentless determination. We know we’re capable, so the idea of needing help can feel unnecessary, or even uncomfortable.
And it’s easy to assume that the weight of our goals is something we should carry alone. After all, if it’s our dream, our ambition, our vision, who else could possibly hold it the way we do? Even when we have a supportive network, it doesn’t change the fact that we are the ones who have to show up, take action, and make it happen.
But here’s the tricky part: just because something feels like it’s yours alone doesn’t mean it has to be, or even that it should be.
We internalize the idea that being strong means handling everything by ourselves. Maybe it’s because we’ve always been seen as the “capable one” in our circles. Maybe we’ve been praised for our independence or have even built part of our identity around being self-sufficient. Over time, that turns into a belief that asking for help – or even acknowledging how heavy the responsibility feels – is a sign of weakness, or worse, failure.
Why does this happen? It’s because we’re so deeply invested in our own visions. When you’ve spent countless hours honing your craft, working on your business, or achieving professional and personal milestones, it’s natural to feel that the goals are uniquely tied to you. After all, it’s your ambition, your dream, your future. The more personal a goal becomes, the harder it feels to share that responsibility – even emotional responsibility – with others.
But no one achieves success in a vacuum. The most high-achieving women you admire didn’t get there alone, even if it sometimes looks that way. They had teams, mentors, and communities supporting them behind the scenes. The difference is, they didn’t confuse having to do the work themselves with having to carry the weight alone.
And that’s where we often get stuck. The illusion of going it alone isn’t just about the absence of support – it’s about how we isolate ourselves in our own minds, even when help is available.
So how do we begin shifting this? First, by recognizing that feeling alone in your goals doesn’t mean you are alone. And second, by looking at where you might be making things harder than they need to be simply because you’ve internalized the belief that it’s “all on you.”
The Isolation of Responsibility
As high-achieving women, we’re no strangers to responsibility. We know what it feels like to be the one people rely on, to be the decision-maker, the organizer, the one who holds the vision and makes it happen. It’s empowering, but it also creates a unique kind of pressure – the feeling that the responsibility is all ours to bear, no matter how much support we have around us.
This internal weight is a key part of what drives us to succeed. Ambition is powerful. It pushes us to step up, to meet the challenges head-on, and to keep striving for more. But this very ambition can also isolate us. While external support can help with the work, no one can carry the weight of our dreams and goals for us. At the end of the day, it’s us who has to show up, take action, and keep pushing forward.
This can feel overwhelming at times. We might have an entire team behind us, but the thought lingers: “No one else can hold this the way I do. No one else can understand the depth of what I’m carrying.” We may internalize the belief that we’re alone in our journey simply because no one else can do the work for us. And yet, this internalization only adds to the emotional burden, making it harder to ask for help or even to acknowledge how heavy the responsibility feels.
It’s true that no one else can live our dream for us or make our decisions, but that doesn’t mean we have to hold the emotional weight of it alone. In fact, finding others who can support us – whether emotionally, mentally, or practically – doesn’t diminish our responsibility. It actually makes us stronger and more capable.
The challenge isn’t about offloading the responsibility (you know how to delegate); it’s about finding a way to let others in to hold space for us as we carry it. This shift allows us to lighten the emotional load, making it easier to move forward with clarity and purpose.
Even the Most Successful Women Feel This
It’s easy to look at successful women – leaders, visionaries, change-makers – and assume they never felt the isolation we experience. They seem so sure of themselves, so in their element. But the truth is, even the most accomplished women have wrestled with the feeling that their goals were theirs alone to carry.
Mother Teresa was a beacon of service and love, but even she faced deep moments of loneliness. In her private letters, she spoke of spiritual isolation – the weight of a mission that, despite being surrounded by people, often felt like hers alone to fulfill.
Oprah Winfrey – one of the most influential women in the world – has openly spoken about how, despite having an entire network and team behind her, the weight of building something truly meaningful often felt like a personal responsibility only she could bear.
Serena Williams, an athlete with coaches, trainers, and fans, has talked about how, even with all the support in the world, she still felt the pressure of being the one to deliver.
These women had support. They had mentors, teams, communities. And yet, they still experienced the same feeling we do – that in the end, it’s their job to show up and perform.
So what does this tell us?
It tells us that feeling alone in your goals doesn’t mean you’re failing – it means you’re on the path of something meaningful.
The weight you feel isn’t a sign that you should stop or that you’re doing it wrong. It’s a sign that you care deeply, that you’re stepping into something bigger than yourself. And most importantly, it’s a reminder that you don’t have to let this feeling turn into actual isolation.
Because the difference between feeling alone and being alone? It’s the willingness to let others in.
Why We Hesitate to Ask
Even when we know we’re not truly alone, many of us still hesitate to ask for help. There’s an invisible barrier that holds us back from reaching out, even when we desperately need it. This barrier often comes down to a fear of vulnerability – of admitting that we can’t handle everything ourselves, that we don’t have all the answers, or that we’re struggling behind the scenes.
For high-achieving women, this hesitation is amplified by a desire to appear strong, capable, and in control. We’ve worked hard to get where we are, and admitting that we need help can feel like admitting we’re not as invincible as we’ve worked so hard to project. We’ve built our identities around being independent, self-sufficient, and capable of handling anything that comes our way. Asking for support feels like a crack in that armor – something that exposes our weakness.
But here’s the truth: vulnerability isn’t weakness – it’s strength. It’s through vulnerability that we allow others to see us fully, which opens the door for true support to enter. And when we let that support in, it doesn’t make us any less capable, it makes us stronger.
The trap is in thinking that vulnerability is a sign of failure. The reality is, it’s actually a powerful tool that allows us to connect more deeply with others. Whether it’s asking for help with a challenging task, opening up about the emotional burden we’re carrying, or simply admitting that we can’t do it all – these acts of vulnerability pave the way for collaboration, understanding, and ultimately, support.
The weight of our goals becomes even heavier when we try to carry it alone. We’re not just burdened by the tasks themselves, but by the belief that we should be able to handle everything on our own. But that’s simply not realistic – and it’s not necessary. In fact, refusing to ask for support is one of the quickest ways to burn out and feel even more isolated.
So, how do we break this pattern?
Shifting the Experience of ‘Alone’
First, we need to acknowledge that asking for help doesn’t make us weak, it makes us human. We need to shift from self-sufficiency to interdependence. We are not alone in this journey, and leaning on others doesn’t diminish our strength. It enhances it, allowing us to leap higher, take greater risk and succeed even beyond what we think is possible.
The key to shifting the experience of “alone” lies in reframing the responsibility we carry. Yes, as high-achieving women, we are the ones who show up, do the work, and ultimately take charge of our goals. But what if we could carry that responsibility in a way that didn’t feel isolating? What if, instead of feeling burdened by it, we could see it as fuel – something that drives us forward, rather than holding us back?
The difference between feeling alone and being alone is how we perceive the weight of our goals. Instead of seeing responsibility as something that isolates us, we can reframe it as something that empowers us. When we realize that responsibility doesn’t mean we have to do everything by ourselves, it becomes a source of strength. We begin to understand that we can hold our vision with clarity and confidence, all while opening ourselves up to the support that helps us move forward.
This doesn’t mean we’re delegating our great work or handing over our goals to someone else. It means recognizing that support isn’t just about doing the tasks – it’s about helping us stay grounded, motivated, and connected to our bigger purpose. It’s about having people who can remind us that we’re not alone in the process, and who can offer a perspective we might miss when we’re in the weeds of responsibility.
To truly shift how we experience this, we need to let go of the belief that asking for help is a sign of failure. It’s not. It’s a sign of courage. And when we invite support in, we don’t lose any part of ourselves—we expand. The weight of our goals becomes lighter, not because the work itself changes, but because our approach to it evolves. Instead of carrying it alone, we start to carry it with a sense of connection—knowing that the path ahead may still be challenging, but it doesn’t have to be a solitary one.
So, how do we take this shift into action? Start by acknowledging the areas where you’re holding the weight of your goals alone. Then, ask yourself: Who can I invite into this journey? Who can hold space for me, offer guidance, or simply be there when I need it? The people you need are already around you—they’re just waiting for you to let them in.
The weight of responsibility doesn’t have to be a heavy burden. When we shift how we carry it, it becomes a source of power and momentum. And when we open ourselves to receiving the support we deserve, we realize we’re never truly alone in our goals.
Embracing Support, Guidance, and Strength
As high-achieving women, we’ve convinced ourselves that the path to success is a solo journey – an illusion that leaves us feeling emotionally isolated and overwhelmed. But the truth is, we are never as alone as we think.
When we let go of the fear that asking for help is a sign of weakness, we open ourselves up to a new way of moving forward—one that recognizes the strength in vulnerability and the power of connection. Responsibility doesn’t have to isolate us. It can fuel us, elevate us, and guide us toward the success we’re meant for.
The key to shifting our experience from isolation to empowerment is simple: we don’t have to do it alone. We are wired to connect. By reframing our perception of responsibility and inviting others to hold space for us, we create an environment where we can thrive in communities, in collaboration, and in support systems that help us grow, refine, and elevate our goals.
When we begin to understand that having help doesn’t diminish our strength, we start to dismantle the illusion of going it alone. Recognizing this allows us to move forward with a healthier perspective and a deeper sense of connection to those who are there to help us, even if they’re not directly carrying the weight with us. When you shift your perspective on responsibility and begin to let others in, you unlock the support and guidance that will transform you into the person you were meant to be.